


Childlike

by BumbleFree



Series: Just OTParent Things [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Eren Yeager, Cock Tease, Come Eating, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Forced Ejaculation, Forced Orgasm, Hand Jobs, Levi is emotionless, Levi's Birthday (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi's Stamina, M/M, Mpreg, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Post Mpreg, Seme Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Smut, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Uke Eren Yeager, daddy levi, noney Eren, riren - Freeform, riren babies, riren family, rivaere - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 16:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12136731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BumbleFree/pseuds/BumbleFree
Summary: Chapter 4½ of "Child" belonging to the series of"Just Mpreg Things"It's Levi's birthday, and Eren has waited for some alone time to do something special with his beloved Captain.





	Childlike

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mustehelmi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustehelmi/gifts).



“Remember when it was just the two of us?” Shy hints of a smile adorned Eren’s lips, and it grew as he lazily cuddled up closer to Levi on the bed, pressing himself to the man’s side. His thoughts wandered back to those now seemingly distant memories. “It was nice… I kind of miss it.”

“Are you saying you regret our children?” Levi’s deep voice rumbled beneath Eren’s ear in all seriousness, his eyes closed.

The younger groaned in annoyance, clearly feeling misunderstood. “You and your regrets. I’m just remembering old times… Just you and me, it was nice, too - being the Captain’s secret affair.” An amused huff escaped Eren as he laid his leg over Levi’s waist, curling it to trap him in their proximity. “I’m happy to have my babies… But, I love you. You’ve always been - and always will be - my first baby.”

“You’re an odd one…” Levi whispered hoarsely, his fingertips slowly starting to graze Eren’s arm, back and forth. “And that makes perfect sense since I’m only, what… 18 years older than you?”

“You keep increasing that number as if only you age, and I don’t. Have you forgotten that I won’t stay 15 forever, Levi? I’m turning 19 in 3 months.”

Levi’s face twisted slightly with a pained sigh. Eren could only hear dramatic grumbling when Levi began tragically murmuring: “You’re all growing up so fast.”

“Oi, I’m not a kid! Don’t talk about me as if you were _my_ daddy, too,” Eren scolded with a grunt.

It felt as if Levi would never change, he’d always see Eren as some brat. And sometimes that familiarity relieved Eren, and sometimes it didn’t.

“Sorry if I get confused, when it’s _you_ who sometimes calls me daddy and other times baby.” Levi shrugged in surrender, and his arm that was wrapped around Eren’s body gave the boy a squeeze.

“Whatever,” Eren muttered under his breath, refusing to accept defeat. “You’re 15 years older at best. And you always make such a drama out of our age difference. I don’t get it. We work perfectly, after all. I’m glad you have experience, old man. If I were with someone as young and stupid as Jean, I-… I would’ve gone homicide by now.”

“Well, it’s… a complicated thing, Eren. I can hardly explain it to someone like you who’s with a man double his age-“

“Stop miscalculating!” Eren hissed angrily, causing Levi to clear his throat apologetically.

“Forgive me. But you see, if I hadn’t been as madly in love with you as I am, I would’ve never laid a hand on you,” Levi admitted in a more thoughtful tone.

He comfortably kept his eyes shut even when he felt Eren shifting to see his face.

After a moment of scrutinizing it suspiciously, Eren settled back against Levi’s chest. “Oh please, you and your daddy complex. We have a perfectly healthy relationship, despite your strong instincts towards me that make you believe you have to act as my parent. - You’re just weird.”

“Not at all. You’re my partner,” Levi assured in fake honesty, his earnestness sarcastic of course. “I see you as an equal…”

Eren could feel him starting to tremble in amusement, and he could’ve exploded in the man’s face for making fun of him like that. “Oh, shut up!! You cunt-sucking-“ Before Eren could finish his rant he was promptly interrupted by a strange sound.

“Blegh-“ Levi whipped his head away in a fit of gags and coughs; Eren couldn’t quite identify which it was, but Levi had apparently not been happy over his choice in words.

“What the…?” Eren could only lift a brow at him in disbelief.

“What? Ehem.” Levi’s expression straightened out as if nothing had ever happened, and his composure was quickly regained.

“Was that a spontaneous gag reflex just now?...” Eren probed curiously. “Because I called you a cu-?“

“Oh no, wai- wai- shush,” Levi cut him off, making sure Eren couldn’t get out another one of those vulgar words that flooded his mind with such utterly wrong images.

At that the boy had to suppress a triumphant snort, and he pressed his face into the crook of Levi’s neck, somewhat more satisfied with the reaction he’d gotten out of the Captain. “Anyways, daddy, what I’ve been wanting to say actually - since you’re so daddy, you’re having that talk with Eric… You know. When he gets old enough. I just… can’t do it. I’m afraid I’ll ruin his innocence.”

“Which talk? What innocence?” Levi asked in mildly exaggerated outrage. “He already knows everything. He was _born_ ready. You kind of fainted after giving birth, but I wish you had seen him; that face he made. I picked him up and the first thing he did was look at me like; you two be fucking.”

Eren hadn’t expected that, his resolve broke when he tried to clench his jaws. “PAH!! AHAHAHHA!” His body burst loose, producing uncontrolled giggles as one hand flew to his belly, the other to his mouth.

Why did Levi have such a way with words, it never ceased to throw Eren off guard.

“Don’t laugh,” Levi commanded sternly. “I mean every word. It was like he immediately knew we’re his parents. That brat is possessed. By some types of… higher spirits, I don’t know.” He suddenly looked around carefully – even though they were alone in their room - before whispering to Eren: “Have you noticed how he treats Emilia? He’s getting something on with my little angel, I swear. The way he looks at him is _unnatural_ … for such a tiny person.” 

“AHAHHAH,” Eren squeaked in pain, trying to calm his breathing, but it was all so perfectly ironic. And he clawed at Levi’s chest for help, aimlessly bunching up the man’s shirt to see his somber, nonchalant façade crack.

“Levi, you do know you’re talking about your very own replica, right? He might as well have inherited your fatherly instincts or protective tendencies.” Eren paused to grin at the neutral and impassive look Levi still wore, like nothing could faze him.

Eren knew better. “No, but I think you’re actually just realizing what it’s like to have such a scary face staring at you. You don’t stare in the mirror all day, you’re not used to enduring your constant frown that pierces souls like you would a piece of meat with a fork. You’re just scared of your own face that you see in Eric.”

“…I see,” Levi grumbled sarcastically. “How come Eric’s not scared of _my_ face then?”

“He’s got my guts, that’s why.” Eren shrugged smugly, as though stating the obvious. “I’m the only one who’s not afraid to come this close to you, hn.”

He moved closer demonstratively to bump their noses together, and emphasize just how close they were. His hands movements became gentler, smoothly running up and down Levi’s torso. Eren wanted to stir him up in some way, feel every bend and dip of his muscles.

“Hoh,… That makes you proud, huh?” Levi let his fingers wander up Eren’s thighs before gripping the boy’s legs possessively. “Arrogant little brat.”

He held him in place against himself, Eren’s smile widening at how allured Levi already was. He loved this man so impossibly much, he couldn’t contain how badly he yearned for him.  
-

It seemed threateningly familiar to Erwin the way those stern slits were focusing him, silently warning him. Erwin tried to ignore a shiver. He clearly felt like Levi was glaring him down from afar, but that was impossible. He and Eren were busy enjoying their alone time; that was why they had set Erwin up with the difficult task of caring for their two little bundles of joy. A task that proved to be significantly more challenging with every passing second.

Erwin had wanted to do them a favor because it was Levi’s birthday, knowing that Hanji unfortunately did not have the time to help him. However, the blond would never have guessed it would turn out like this.  
He was trapped in this awkward, dominating silence by the force of Eric’s secret telekinesis he possessed to Erwin’s dismay. The man’s brows curled as he tried heavily to contemplate his options. Eric’s game of authority was strong, just like Levi’s, leaving Erwin to nervously stare back at the child that had already climbed onto his desk’s chair, uncle Erwin’s quill in hand like he was in charge.

The main reason why Eric was keeping that evil eye on Erwin was because Emilia was in the middle of molesting the Commander’s head. Erwin had attempted to take him off his shoulder previously, and all it had taken was one mini sound of protest from Emilia to turn Eric into a demon of wrath. He would not tolerate anybody disturbing his younger sibling; Erwin didn’t risk a second try.

Emil was having a ball, squeaking somewhat confused while ruffling his tiny hands through the pale blond strands that seemed so utterly interesting to him. He wore an increasingly more questioning look as he curiously pulled on some strands, searching and hunting in between them. For some reason he found the Commander’s hairdo quite bizarre.

And Erwin had to endure his yanking and shuffling since he couldn’t remove him so long as Eric had that cold, dead glare set on him. It was a warning, nothing personally, but if he dissatisfied his precious baby brother in any way, there would be trouble. Eric wasn’t even moving anymore, dangerously rigid, and before it got any creepier, Erwin deemed it better to let Emily do as he pleased. That way aside from his pride being hurt perhaps no harm would come to him, the Commander could live with that. Under Eric’s surveillance he had no other choice but to wait it out, the little boy beginning to wave around the quill’s feather impatiently.

After Emilia had inspected the now scrambled hairs of gold, he continued with Erwin’s face, and especially his brows and nose. Those stood out the most to the baby; he wasn’t used to any of these features from his daddy, including uncle Erwin’s grotesque height. All so new and finally in reach, every inch of him had to be examined. And the man conveniently held still even as Emilia accidently tugged on his lip when his balance became shaky.

The best part was that Emilia was oblivious to his brother’s doing. He simply ignored the quiet, and puffed at Erwin indecisively while pinching the man’s nose to get his attention. Erwin endured that as well. Eric’s calm killer-gaze was paralyzing and intimidating. There was no way Erwin was going to move, no way in hell. What if one of them began to cry, or worse, both had a temper tantrum?

No, he had more respect for this tiny being’s deadliness than for the titans. And in this peaceful silence filled by Emilia’s delighted and contemplating cooing, Erwin had lots of time to realize how truly unprepared he was, incapable of winning the upper hand against two little children. In his defense he reminded himself that it weren’t just anybody’s children. They were humanity’s strongest soldier’s offspring. Whatever trouble normal kids could cause, these two could’ve meant the double, and that stuck with Erwin like a grenade would go off in his pocket by the slightest of wrong movements he made.

He was aware that Eric didn’t even know about his father’s status and his achievements that had been so crucial to humanity, but the little one sure acted as if he damn well knew who his father was, and like he demanded respect for his legacy. He was the boss and Emilia his princess, Erwin simply had to accept that, blinking helplessly as Emilia groped his face.

“Whhh… whe?” the baby started humming incoherently, the soft sounds calming Eric enough to let him turn away on the chair he stood on.

Erwin’s tense figure relaxed, but his relief was short-lived. He saw Eric swiping at the accumulated pile of paper work on his desk. The child turned one page after another, pausing occasionally as though he were actually reading through the important documents, then sighing in boredom when the information written down didn’t appear to be very entertaining.  
Quill tightly in his right hand, he flipped through the pages with the other. His brows crinkled from concentration, soon forming a mean glower at all the dull words and picture-less sheets. Eric needed a blank canvas to let his inspiration flow, and so he decided to decorate uncle Erwin’s documents.

The Commander was close to tears as he watched in horror, wondering frantically what he could possibly do to save his work without angering Eric. He grabbed a hold of Emilia, and carefully headed to his desk that Eric was occupying. The child’s look was still so dissatisfied as he bent over the papers, absorbed in his work of scribbling things on each page before neatly stacking them one by one on a new heap beside him. The Commander would surely be pleased if his day was brightened up by some nice drabbles all over his paper work that would remind him to smile.

As he stepped closer Erwin took a deep breath, recognizing every little drawing to be a pile of poo. Yes, oh, yes. Levi’s son indeed. And now they had it on paper, too, in black and white. Erwin hesitantly cleared his throat, jaw dropping in disbelief when the action immediately earned himself a look of irritation from Eric, the younger obviously feeling disturbed in his task of extreme importance. He was a busy little man after all, couldn’t uncle Erwin see that? He was only helping.

“Uhm, Eric, what exactly are you doing?” the blond forced out in the politest tone his brain could form in such a delicate situation.

“Id looks betta dat way,” Eric replied bluntly, abruptly putting on a very unimpressed face. “If Fluff-Puff poo on et, et will look betta,” he decided promptly, bending down again to draw a curly form that represented his sheep.

Erwin had to bite his tongue to hold back a whimper of reluctance. Eric plucked the page from the others and held it out to Erwin as a present for him, the man accepting it in defeat.

“Eric, those are very important documents,” he tried, hoping that maybe the child would understand, but he doubted it.

Eric simply blinked up at him, eyes innocently flicking down at the paper work and back up at Erwin. “Dey are _now,”_ he corrected the Commander.

In all honesty Erwin had to snort at that comment. He didn’t like paper work at all either, and he was sure Walter’s face would be priceless once he saw Eric’s works of art on his treasured documents and reports. But there really was no way around this, Erwin thought, opening a drawer with a few blank pages he could offer Eric.

“How about these?”

“Da’s betta!” Eric eagerly pulled some out before he straightened Erwin’s documents to arrange them in an orderly stack again, making room for his pure, empty sheets he could finally paint on.

Erwin felt a weight lift off his shoulders, thinking he finally had a victory when all of a sudden Eric’s head snapped at him in wide shock, a murderous reprimand in his sharp eyes. And it was the exact same face Levi made when he fought titans. It let Erwin freeze up at once, thinking this was the end for him until he registered something wet on his ear.

“Emia,” Eric grumbled deeply, and the wetness retreated from Erwin’s ear. “Da’s dirty. No kiss.”

Erwin gasped gently, searching the tiny bundle seated on his shoulder to find a bashful Emilia sucking on his lower lip sheepishly. The little bean already knew he had gone too far, though Eric’s grimness didn’t seem to affect him the way it did Erwin. In fact the Commander had a feeling Eric was actually scolding _him_ for being dirty, and not Emilia for trying to nibble his ear.

Erwin was utterly destroyed; he gave up, dropping his face into his free hand. He went through all this torment only to find out Eric considered him a dirty old man.

No matter what he had to overcome, the blond had never needed a drink, but he wished for one now. A three year old had uncovered him, and he was weak.  
-

“A-anyways.” Eren rushed up from under Levi’s arm, muscles heavy enough to crush him against the man’s build, and drawing a huff from Eren as he hastily seated himself on Levi’s legs. He intentionally aimed his weight at a certain area. “I have something for you.”

Levi’s face immediately fell, leaving behind an irritable sulk. “Eren, I told you not to get me anything-“

Eren grunted in warning. “Not like that, you killjoy.” He was seriously tempted to poke Levi’s nose as payback. Instead he leaned down on top of him to start grinding his thigh against him, between Levi’s legs. The sensation, the pressure of flesh, and yet slide of fabric between them had Eren trapping his bottom lip underneath his teeth as he eagerly waited on the Captain’s reaction. “I want to, and you can’t stop me…” he whispered in amusement. “Unless you use force… Will you?”

Levi only sent him a calm glance, lids lowered impassively.

“I thought so.” Eren couldn’t hide a cocky smirk.

He circled his hips to nudge at Levi’s private parts more. Levi allowed him to keep it up, enduring the softness of Eren’s thigh grinding against his clothed cock lustfully. The persistent touch through the barrier of his pants, slow and torturous, made Levi want to flip Eren over and rut against the brat’s ass until he begged for more than just aggressive dry humping. But Levi was feeling lazy, therefore he made no move to resist, nothing that indicated he would interfere with Eren’s little performance of temptation.

Eren was convinced Levi was just playing it cool. His hand wandered down the man’s chest dangerously low to start opening the buttons of his blouse from the bottom to the top. So far Levi didn’t comment on it, but he looked at Eren knowingly like he suspected something was up with the way Eren was being so hypnotic.

After a moment of returning Levi’s gaze the boy sat up beside him, trying not to smile from excitement as his hand continued to force Levi’s pants open. “Ok, listen, I know we’re not allowed to actually fuck, but this isn’t about me.”

He paused in thought, studying Levi’s observant look of restrained infatuation. Heat began to fill Eren from within, urges bubbling inside him, and not just because Levi’s length was fiercely straining against his hold already, but because of the way the older male’s focus was patiently set on him as he waited on the brunette to continue.

“It’s your birthday, so I just want to make my boy feel good without getting my own pleasure involved.” That said, Eren immediately took a deep breath to help relief any tension that was trying to build up.

He would suppress every bit of arousal he’d feel rising in his lower half, no matter how deep his craving was. This was about Levi only, and Eren had decided he would use neither his mouth nor his ass to please the Captain today. That way there was no possibility of Eren getting pregnant, but the true reasons behind it were two things that had been lingering in his mind lately.

Levi was always good to him. That was a well-known fact. No matter what situation, and especially concerning their sex life, Levi’s first action was to make sure Eren was comfortable, that he had everything he needed to be satisfied, and he even made sure the boy always came first. Eren came first, and that was something he would’ve never taken for granted.

To him it was about time he showed Levi how much it really meant to him. It certainly was not a matter of course in most relationships, and Eren treasured his man for that. To him _Levi_ came first. 

And there was another very important reason why Eren had been wanting to do this, the same reason why his tongue darted over his lips eagerly now. Because he would have Levi. Levi, this steadfast portrait of perfection was at his mercy, which meant Eren could finally use his undivided attention to watch Levi’s reaction and every single move of his.  
Since in the steamy, hectic haze of sex Eren rarely had a chance to catch a proper glimpse of Levi’s face. And he could not properly appreciate the sight of the expression that offered itself to only him, even if it was lazy, sweet sex - during which Eren was often dazed or tired of exertion. But he could no longer accept the amount of dense ignorance he possessed. He had access to a side of Levi the man would never show to anyone else, and yet Eren hadn’t grasped hold of it for himself yet.

This time he would take it in and savor it, claim every last bit of Levi. It was exactly that possessiveness that drove Eren towards the edge when he looked at the one that belonged to him alone, lying in front of him defenselessly, and waiting just for Eren to do whatever he pleased.

To fully experience that for once and appreciate it, all Eren had to do was not let himself be tempted into any sexual activities himself.

“I’m not quite following you,” Levi’s steady voice rumbled, not at all swayed by the towering erection Eren had by then unleashed from his pants.

“You’re just supposed to enjoy, what’s so difficult about that?” Eren purred reassuringly.

Already he needed both his hands to overpower Levi’s large cock. At the same time he was busy examining the Captain through narrowed, long lashes. Eren’s eyes darkened so challengingly was a sight to behold, one that Levi did not miss. It was hard to distract this guy, Eren had to admit.

“Well why does it have to be me alone?” Levi searched for answers in Eren’s gaze, keeping his voice low. “Why not just.. let me,” he reached for Eren’s knee to pursue the path up the boy’s inner thigh only to be swatted away instantly.

The younger was not pleased. “Don’t touch. You’ll distract me. I want you to simply concentrate on _this.cock!”_ Eren gave one harsh stroke, slamming his hands down on Levi as they clung to his thick length.

It almost surprised the man. There was silence. Levi’s arm obediently retreated in surrender, emptyhanded.

That tested Eren’s resolve. “Come on,” the brunette grumbled playfully, tilting his head as he reassembled his fingers over hardened flesh, one on Levi’s base and one at his tip to start kneading towards his middle unhurriedly.

The Captain’s brow twitched. “What are you trying to do?”

“Trying to get a reaction out of you,” Eren stated simply while greedily balling his hands to tight fists around the roused member.

“You want to see me writhe?...” There was a casual mock in Levi’s cold tone. “Good luck with that then.” He comfortably leaned his head back, sinking against the pillow slackened.

“Levi!” A shy sound of complaint escaped Eren, the boy pouting in disappointment. He locked thumb and finger beneath the head of Levi’s cock, letting droplets of precum gather there as he twisted his hand around. “If you start touching me, you’ll get too focused on my pleasure instead of your own, and I’ll be completely out of order to even know what you’re doing anymore.”

“Maybe that’s your young age.” Levi merely shrugged as he gazed upon his mate, and he shoved his hips from below to allow his erection to meet Eren with some resistance. The younger’s grip was tough though, and not to be underestimated, dragging a hoarse pant from Levi. “Maybe you just need to train your self-control rather than forcing it up.”

Eren didn’t let that discourage him, sending back a blank look of indifference to show just how much he cared for Levi’s unnecessary lecturing.

“Muffle it all you want, at the end of this I’ll have what I demand or you’ll regret it.”

Eren refused to get carried away by Levi’s half-assed attempts at remaining unyielding. It only spurred him on further, fingers gently curling around Levi’s balls, starting to squeeze them carefully, fondling them, and squishing them around pleasingly. - Just anything to make Levi feel so good that he would simply _have_ to react, broken in by stimulation. Even if he was a sourpuss sometimes, Eren loved him, his sounds and expressions, everything about the man. And if he would play hard to get, then so be it.

Levi’s face was like the definition of unresponsive carved into marble. Just another challenge Eren accepted.

“I’m so gonna make you cum.”

“Be my guest, I really want to, but I’m keeping my straight face,” Levi teased in a deadpan, still unmoved by the intensifying groping from below.

Eren was becoming vigorous with determination, but there was no frustration detectable as he skillfully massaged Levi’s sack, tugging on it lightly before moving up to his manhood again. Eren did so to equip each of his fingers with more of Levi’s slickening precum, something he needed to make this more enjoyable for him, and Eren wanted to give him only the best treatment.

Levi didn’t mind at all, he didn’t utter a single word of protest. All the while he precisely observed Eren with hooded eyes, calm and collected even as Eren rubbed over his slit not too gently several times. His muscles tensed, making his erection jolt within Eren’s grasp, but Levi was unchanged, and he stayed that way. Not even his breathing seemed to be affected really since it was quiet and even. Despite Eren making sure to stroke him hard and slow, giving him firm squeezes, and generously circling his tip with a hand.

Levi had no problem with being honest, he enjoyed everything Eren did to its fullest, every touch. He just didn’t feel an urge yet to make himself noticeable. If Eren still wanted to do this, Levi wouldn’t stop him.

Even when there were hints of his hips starting to buck automatically, his expression stayed the same amount of empty like he was far too absorbed in watching Eren to even care for what was going on with his own body.

“How do you do that?” Eren directed the faint whisper rather at himself than at Levi.

But the older male didn’t seem very capable of words at the moment anyways, much too focused on Eren. “Mh,” he grunted out a calm sound indicating that he had no idea. “I can’t- I just… I don’t…”

The aimless, loose stammering was at least a small victory to Eren. He assumed Levi probably just preferred to enjoy his pleasures in silence. He was a generally relaxed person, and it was difficult to wreck his composure. Admirable in its own.

Staring right back into Levi’s serene eyes, Eren shortened his strokes, no longer letting his hands wander all the way up to Levi’s tip. The denial was bound to stir him sooner or later. The Captain, however, seemed to be elsewhere with his thoughts, being pulled into a daze of admiration by Eren’s beautiful features. It was nothing rare for Levi to get lost in the boy, whether it was intentionally or not. And it was not surprising when it set Levi off, finally triggering his orgasm; no matter how detached he stayed throughout it.

Levi kept a firm eye on Eren, lids twitching faintly as his lower half jerked up somewhat, but Eren knew that wasn’t more than a mere spasm, something Levi had no control over. Not even he could withstand that, and with each rippling thrust hot seed sprayed out onto his abs.

Eren held on to his pulsing member, still looking deeply into Levi’s bedroom gaze to find he wore an emotionless expression, sternly fixated on Eren’s face. The Captain only blinked up at him as he finished off. His hips went over into a slower rolling rhythm before ceasing movement, and he resigned from his trembling with ease.

Levi’s attention was expectantly set on Eren as it took the younger a few seconds to do something.

It was always like this. Levi never cared for anything but Eren, and as much as it flattered Eren, it also frustrated him that Levi just couldn’t let go for once, and think about himself - give himself to Eren. But the boy did not plan on accepting it, he’d get that reaction he wanted whether Levi liked it or not. All the better if he gained what he hoped for with his own strength, that would mean Levi wasn’t going to put up an act, everything would be hundred percent real and honest, and just for Eren to relish.

Though secretly he had to admit, he was amazed and in awe over the extent of Levi’s self-control, how far he could go just to keep a straight face. Eren took pride in it somewhat, and he’d be satisfied even if this was the real Levi, if there wasn’t more to this than silent grunts and a twitch of his eyes occasionally. But Eren knew there was more, and he was going to dig. He just wanted Levi to do absolutely nothing so it would be Eren’s doing alone when he finally came. _Really_ came, including the full program, and everything Levi was hiding from him right now.

Eren sighed quietly. “How? No reaction at all.” He tilted Levi’s standing cock up and down suspiciously as if it would show if something was wrong with it. _“I_ almost came just from watching you.”

Eren didn’t mind admitting it, even though Levi had done literally nothing to even hint at that he was coming, aside from the shuddering of his lower half and his hot skin that was a bit sweaty from holding in probably.

“I told you to let it go,” Eren reminded patiently. He just wanted to know what exactly Levi wanted to gain from this.

“Well that’s what I did. Can’t you see it’s all over me?” Levi’s voice was still deep with arousal at least, but just as reserved as his stone face.

As he raised his head to look down on himself and the mess he’d made Eren pushed him back down with a warning “uh-uh.” Levi obeyed with a sharp sigh, though he took his defeat rather relieved, letting Eren take the lead again. The brunette scooped up the white fluids scattered over Levi’s muscles, and wrapped his hand around the man’s dick again. This wasn’t over.

Levi’s eyes narrowed in realization when he caught on to what Eren was up to, and he braced himself, abdomen clenching and legs shifting jerkily. A forceful second time would be no problem, and Levi let it show as his nonchalant gaze limply settled on Eren again.

There wasn’t much to it the second round either. His body and especially his legs and hips might’ve started reacting in some way, but for the longest time Levi’s demeanor didn’t change. Eren was not to be deterred, that was to be expected. And there wasn’t even the slightest noise spilling past Levi’s lips, nothing to cover up the squelching sounds of long fingers pressing his erection, spreading precum around his length to make the sensation all the more real and demanding. Levi casually accepted the sounds, didn’t care to distract from the slapping when Eren’s fist slated down on him and bounced off him again at a high speed. And it stayed that way even when Levi’s stare dropped briefly to his member and the hands working it with gentle vigor.

“Babyyyy, come on,” came the first whines from Eren, not enough to sway Levi, of course.

“Why? I like it like this,” he informed bluntly, relaxing some more to savor Eren’s committed talent, the way the boy pumped him and occasionally let his erection go completely to provide a strategical tease he could lure Levi out with.

The man almost smirked, suppressing a gasp of pleasure as his eyes fluttered down once more.

Eren groaned softly, keeping watch over Levi’s expressionless face. “Sometimes you’re just way too composed. You have to know when to be calm and when not.”

“So you’re actually just trying to lecture me on when to use my emotions?” Levi’s produced a low murmur of fake puzzlement. “I’ve moaned before in our relationship, Eren. You’re being oddly penetrant about this. It’s like we’ve never had sex before or you were having sex with someone entirely else.”

At that Eren nearly slapped Levi, severely wanting to let his hand slip. He bit back a gasp, instead gritting his teeth, and putting on a serious, angry face. To emphasize his outrage he locked his fingers around Levi’s base brutally to deny him release, which had the man’s eyes widening in slight surprise at the unexpected punishment.

Now that was something Eren had wanted to see, an uncontrollable reflex, sweet justice. “Careful, _honey._ Or I might strangle something other than your dick.”

After a second Levi had composed his features again, and he lowered his chin, head retreating in submission to Eren’s threat. “Still. Maybe this forced method you’ve chosen is so intense that my brain forgets how to function, and I go into a kind of comatose state of overstimulation.” Levi shrugged innocently, apparently believing he was not to be blamed.

It didn’t impress Eren. “Stop trying to be funny and give in to your natural instincts already!” he commanded.

“What are instincts?”

“You’re asking for it!” Eren suddenly increased speed, violently sliding over Levi’s solid length and the veins around it with crushing strength.

His vicious yanking caused drops of cum to already splatter from Levi’s tip and onto his stomach. Levi had to clench his jaws as the rush of pleasure hit him mercilessly. There still wasn’t much of an emotion to be seen in the Captain’s narrowed eyes.

And there wasn’t much even as Levi reached climax again.

“Well I can’t tell, so did you at least come good?” Eren mumbled in slight annoyance.

The older male took a moment to catch his breath. “So good,” he let out a deep, lusty groan, which nearly sounded like a hoarse purr. And a glare formed on Eren’s face at once, the boy feeling taunted.  
-  
Eren had jerked Levi off for at least the fourth time now, and Levi was exhausted and sensitive, yet he did not admit defeat.

It wasn’t like Eren was going to allow him to have a break, so Levi’s stamina and constant arousal was his only weapon; he at least had endurance. But since he wasn’t reacting to Eren’s seduction, much rather repressing his own impulses, Eren forced pleasure upon him that disowned Levi of his body, and slowly stripped him of his sanity. He forced him to come twice or three times in a row, not letting go of his shaft and squeezing it tighter to keep it stiff. Eren did so to his own liking, not caring if Levi was close to begging. In fact they had overstepped that line.

“Oi Eren, I can’t- I already cam- AH!” Levi could only jerk helplessly from being overstimulated, trying to grab the younger’s wrist to get his attention.

Whatever composure Levi had upheld, his slow crumbling made up for it. And Eren had caused several cracks in his façade. The pleasured shaking in his voice gave Levi away; it responded plenty if his body didn’t give Eren enough satisfaction. However, Levi did toss his head and tried to shift sometimes, pretending to readjust, and his legs twitched out of reflex when it got too much.

When crying out didn’t stop Eren Levi smacked his ass harshly, but even a rough spank didn’t alert Eren. And when Levi’s struggling got too bothersome Eren simply threw his leg over him to sit on Levi’s chest facing away from him, to lower his weight down on the man, and make him immobile. He carelessly pressed his ass down on Levi’s neck and face, almost choking him in his stubbornness to keep him in place.

Levi clasped Eren’s thighs whilst the boy ruthlessly continued, Levi grunting breathlessly as another orgasm was forced upon him.

“Oh my gods, it’s too much, Eren! Stop!” he shouted defensively, legs trembling uncontrollably as his body arched powerlessly.

He was about ready to shove the brat off himself when Eren looked over his shoulder smugly, taking in the disheveled and slightly panicked look on Levi’s face. “I got what I wanted now.”

Levi immediately went limp at that, growling out his relief; it was finally over. However, even after having milked Levi so dry Eren didn’t draw the line, greedy for that cock as always. He gently released it, giving it a quick, triumphant kiss that made Levi wince before Eren decided to give it its well-deserved rest. And luckily he could do so while he drank up all of Levi’s load.

He owed the man a proper cleansing after that ordeal, Eren certainly wasn’t going to leave him like this; his instincts were too strong and caring. He carefully began licking down Levi’s ab muscles to his pubic area, placing kisses here and there while he gave Levi’s balls another loving grope, because damn, Levi’s thing was big and Eren adored it. Levi couldn’t help a sharp, last involuntary pant.

But at that Eren was finally satisfied when he met Levi’s distant gaze of exhaustion. “Aw, poor Captain,” he cooed at the older male. “It must be so hard to be humanity’s strongest _and_ burdened with such a huge package.”

Levi remained absent at first before he started to frown a bit troubled. Sarcastically pitying himself, he gave a slow nod of agreement. “If you think so, brat.”

Eren quickly returned to lapping up the rest of the cum stains on Levi’s skin, letting him watch in approval until suddenly Levi’s eyes widened. “Fuck, Eren, did you just swallow that!?”

Eren looked over his shoulder innocently to stare back at Levi with full cheeks, wiping the corner of his mouth in confusion. Levi’s jaw dropped. He sat up in a rush, making the younger yelp in surprise.

“Eren? Don’t- did you just swallow-“

Eren couldn’t stop himself from sticking out his tongue provokingly. “Too late.”

He squeaked in shock when Levi suddenly stuck his fingers in his mouth, trying to open it.

“Don’t! Spit it out!” The Captain ordered.

“Oi, Levi, what’s gotten into you?” Eren pulled away in confusion. “Usually you want to force it down my throat!”

“That sperm was fertile!” Levi snapped in desperation.

“I know.” Eren giggled jokingly, turning around on Levi’s lap. “Everything about you is fertile.” He purred at him hungrily, leaning closer to his man.

“No, like _fertile_ fertile!!” Levi corrected in disbelief, grabbing Eren by the arms, not knowing what else to do. “I’m serious! I wasn’t holding back, that was _semen!”_

“What!?” Eren’s voice pitched accusingly in realization.

“You told me to let go, and I forgot! I didn’t think we were having real sex so I just- wasn’t thinking!”

Eren’s lips began trembling fearfully. “Wait, you mean like… semen as in seeds? B-baby seeds?”

“What? – Babies, yes!” Levi tried to keep it down as reality came crashing down on him. “You told me not to do anything; it takes effort to keep cum sterile! I thought you were doing this so I wouldn’t have to. You said follow your natural instincts- well,…!! I wasn’t gonna come anywhere over your-… reproductive organs! How should I know you’d chug that shit like whipped cream!?”

Eren reflexively slapped Levi across the face, shutting him up promptly. “Get it together!” he cried in alarm. “What do we do? Should I throw up now?!”

“Gross, no!” Levi didn’t even register any pain as he tried to calm Eren somehow.

“I might be pregna-mh!”

Levi slammed his hand over Eren’s mouth, letting silence take over the room. He lifted a finger off Eren’s lips. “Hanji… And don’t you act suspicious out there, nobody can know.”

Eren nodded quickly.  
-  
“Hanji, help!” Levi and Eren called out in unison.

“Your birthday present isn’t ready,” Hanji waved without looking up at the two figures storming into the room. “Go back to flirting.”

Levi hurriedly shoved the door shut. “Eren may be pregnant! We need something to prevent it.”

This time they had Hanji’s full attention. “Preg… pregnant?” They blinked from behind their spectacles. “And how did this happen, Mr. severely incompetent balls?”

“Not my fault! He accidently swallowed it!” Levi grumbled angrily.

“It?” There was silence as Hanji snorted, laughter slowly starting to pour out of them. “Eren, are you that greedy? Doesn’t Levi feed you properly?”

“This is an emergency!” Levi clarified strictly. “He jerked me off for whatever reason, and I didn’t know he was gonna fucking **eat** it!” The Captain’s hands flew to his head, clawing at his scalp as Eren stood beside him worriedly, and unsure of what to do.

Levi was close to losing it right in front of him, and Eren was not familiar with it.

“Ah, yes,” Hanji agreed in a calm hum. “The temptation of possessive feeding; irresistible.”

“Hanji, if we go down, you go down with us!!” Levi pointed an accusing finger at them.

“Alright, alright-“ the Major tried to soothe, already being interrupted by Levi.

“I mean I didn’t sign up for this! Why would he just lick it off? What do I wear a spare handkerchief for?!”

“He licked it off?” Hanji awed in adoration, ignoring Levi’s outburst. “If that’s not a sign of true love.”

“It’s a sign of true stupidity!”

Hanji bit their lip at how overdramatic Levi was being. The man had no idea. But Hanji couldn’t deny they found this amusing, and they were already thinking of a way to exploit this. Their hand moved up to push at their glasses when really they were trying to cover up a wide grin. Levi was about to run amok, they couldn’t just leave it at that, but they had an idea.

“Ok, Levi, here are my tips. You hold Eren upside down and shake him, just bounce him for a bit, try to get comfortable in a sort of… 69 position, get it?” Hanji developed a weird half grin on their face as they tried to keep it together, but Levi was too panicked to realize any of that as he listened in utter disbelief. “That way the seeds should be disorientated and might be taken out by Eren’s stomach acid. However, they’re quite resistant, so it will take up to 2 hours. And since it’s your sperm we’re talking about, Levi, I’ll add another 2 hours, because you’re abnormal.”

“You want me to hang upside down for 4 hours-?” Eren was about to ask when he cut himself off with a yelp due to Levi dragging him away by his wrist frantically.

Several seconds later they were sitting on their bed, Eren making a kind-of headstand whilst his thighs were folded over Levi’s shoulders, the man holding Eren’s sides to support his balance. It was awkwardly quiet until boredom got the better of Eren as he had nothing better to do than stare at Levi’s clothed penis.

Blood rushing to his head and making him woozy, Eren unleashed the devil. “I could perfectly suck your dick from here.”

It triggered Levi, and a long argument followed the boy’s attempts at joking while Levi was rocking him, hugging his abdomen to try and bounce him like Hanji had advised.

“How dare you?! Don’t even think about it!”

It was then that Erwin decided they had had enough alone-time, and Eric and Emilia were going to be the death of him soon.

“I still can’t believe you!“ Levi growled breathily in the meantime.

“I earned that cum!” Eren defended fiercely, finding it fitting that he was practically screaming at Levi’s crotch with his head positioned between the man’s legs. “Or did you think I’d be a good boy who’d merely clean you up, tuck you in, and kiss your head like mommy?”

“Yes!”

The two clearly didn’t register the soft knocking at the door nor Erwin’s words on the other side. “Levi, Eren, are you decent?”

On the opposite side the two were still whining and growling at each other like cats and dogs, but Erwin only heard a loud “YES” from Levi, and opened the door without a second thought.

Levi stopped in the middle of his protests as Eren ranted on, not even realizing Levi had silenced to stare into Erwin’s shocked face and at a blank Eric and Emilia that stood hand in hand in their doorway. Not much time passed until Eric simply turned to walk away with his little brother, no sign of curiosity or confusion, just a solemn acceptance that noney and daddy were obviously busy. The kids didn’t even _want_ to know, wordlessly heading off to mind their own business. And Erwin just as quickly pulled the door shut again.

“What the fuck! Great, Eren!” Levi cursed, slamming his face into the boy’s ass to groan in frustration. 

“What did I do?!” Eren hissed hysterically, his legs starting to kick. “And don’t sniff my butt, it tickles!!”

“Why don’t you call for Mikasa to come in here and see this, too? Forget that; invite the whole squad!” 

Levi just aimlessly sunk his teeth into Eren’s round buttock to shut himself up. He undoubtedly didn’t know what he was doing anymore and why he was doing it.

It wasn’t much longer before he and Eren sat back in Hanji’s room, both a ruffled mess and close to tears of anger or humiliation, Hanji couldn’t tell, but they felt so sadistically amused.

“Got any more tips, Hange?” Levi ground his jaws together, face grim.

The problem – as Hanji had explained - was sperm could survive within Eren’s body for up to 3 days, and they wouldn’t give up until they had nestled into their destination, so basically all was futile.

“Why don’t you just try drinking really hot tea?” Hanji swallowed a snicker to not piss Levi off more.

“Isn’t his body temperature increased, too? That won’t do any good,” Levi pointed out tiredly.

“Doesn’t matter,” Eren whimpered helplessly, already tugging on Levi’s arm to get him up. “Please, let’s just try it, we can’t give up!”

Screams of pain soon echoed from Hanji’s quarters, and somewhere in the building Erwin sat, trying to hold Eric and Emilia’s ears shut.

“OW, it fucking burns!” Eren screeched, dropping his cup of steaming tea to fan at his tongue.

“What did you do?” Levi questioned in shock.

He received no answer when Eren suddenly grabbed his face to smash their lips together violently. “Kiss it better, kiss it better!” Eren pleaded again and again, trying to cool his tongue on Levi’s, the Captain’s mouth only hanging agape in bewilderment.

Hanji let out a long sigh once the two had settled down again after a while. “I’m sorry to have to break it to you guys, but none of this will work. If Eren really gets pregnant, then he will. If he won’t, we’re in luck. But there is no real way to prevent this from happening.”

At that Eren began panicking even before Hanji had finished, hyperventilating as he grabbed Levi’s arm to start yanking on it helplessly. “Captain just- just punch me in the stomach! Real hard! It won’t hurt, I’m a titan!“

Hanji slapped their forehead, hitching accidently as they struggled to remain composed.

“Eren, what are you saying?!” Levi frowned severely, trying to catch the boy’s wrists to block his attacks. “There’s not even a fetus yet! There can’t be an abortion!”

“Levi’s right, Eren. What we were trying here was mainly to keep the seed from reaching its egg, but in truth we don’t stand a chance against nature’s will. So we can only wait.” Hanji seriously needed all their strength not to burst and crack up in front of these two. They were simply too adorable and hopeless, surely they would understand that the Major couldn’t have resisted. “Now… I know this might seem mean, but I was just messing with you a bit. I mean this was too good to be true… pff, seeing you act all ridiculous. Ahhh, it makes my heart bloom!”

Two sets of eyes widened at once, piercing Hanji accusingly.

“Bu-but-but!” Eren stammered in disbelief, feeling rather hurt than angry. “The… holding upside down, the whole-… drama.”

“The sperms actually follow a scent trail left behind by your hormones that determine your fruitfulness. So that was for nothing entirely,” Hanji admitted with a blunt grin, eyes squeezed shut as if they were already waiting for Levi to kick them to the ground.

Before the Captain could put his murderous plans – which Hanji could see developing in his enraged glare - into action Hanji quickly cleared their throat to continue.

They had to calm them down, after all, before it was too late. “Now, now! No need to lose our heads!” They motioned with their hands for both Levi and Eren to keep calm as they laughed nervously. “Everything will be alright. I was just, you know,… teasing…”

“Teasing,” Levi repeated in a low, sarcastic growl, and his tone was so goddamn intimidating, Hanji was surprised they hadn’t had a heart attack yet.

“I admit that was cruel of me, and I’m truly sorry. But I was bored from working on preparing your birthday present all day, and I saw my chance! Also you two must’ve realized I wasn’t being 100 % full, right? I was so bad at hiding it, too! Grinning and having awkward spasms,” Hanji began listing.

Levi of all people should’ve realized his comrade wasn’t being serious at all, but he chose to glare at Hanji threateningly instead. “Go on..”

Hanji flinched, nodding obediently and praying they’d remain unharmed. “On the bright side, pregnancy through blowjobs is very rare!” they explained hastily in hopes it would soothe their companion.

Levi, however, looked everything but relieved, and far from amused.

“Hanji, it wasn’t a blowjob,” he corrected grimly.

“Or a handjob, whatever, that’s even less likely then. Unless the submissive fingered himself afterwards.”

“Uh!” Levi made a sound of disgust. “Hanji!” His nose scrunched up irritably; he just didn’t need to hear those things from someone as crazy as Hanji.

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy Eren doing that in front of you.” The major crossed their arms knowingly, and looked Levi up and down to emphasize their accusation.

Eren stiffened in silence. He was having trouble catching on to the two _adults_ talking.

“Shut up, shitty gla-“ Levi stopped midsentence, expression morphing a bit hesitantly.

He averted his gaze to Eren in deep realization, a sudden gleam of approval glowing in Levi’s darkening, grey eyes, as if something had struck him. Eren’s stare then innocently flicked back and forth between Hanji and Levi.

“What is it?”

“No…” Levi murmured thoughtfully. “We’re gonna save that for _Eren’s_ birthday.”

That could wait, and it would be worth it. Especially after today, Levi felt too drained to get any hornier. He wouldn’t survive it.

“S-so… what you’re saying is I might not be pregnant?” Eren hopefully searched Hanji’s attention, trying to ignore Levi’s suspicious behavior.

“It’s very unlikely, actually more common in female subs,” Hanji assured. “And… I’m still in the middle of preparing something for Levi’s birthday this evening, that’s why I’m busy. It might help solve our little problem, too.”

“Hoh?” Levi raised a brow in distrust. “What is it?”

Hanji’s trademark insanity grin slowly spread over their face.  
-  
“This was the best idea, Hanji, the best idea,” Eren praised dreamily as he clung to Levi, nearly tipping off of the bar chair. He was tired, and definitely tipsy.

“I know, I know,” Hanji giggled breathily in agreement.

They had also downed a few drinks already. After all, their present to Levi was an old, hidden noblemen’s bar that they had secretly dug up unharmed amongst this town’s ruins. It had been hidden away as a basement tavern, reclusive so rich bastards could come to drink themselves silly, and place bets while playing cards.  
Nothing was left of the seedy, rotten atmosphere those nobles had once spread throughout the walls, lazing around in their exclusive privileges. The bar was a nice place, filled with some good stuff and comfortably cushioned chairs to further confirm this had been a luxurious establishment serving the richest of the rich who had had a reputation to uphold.

And upon having found it, Hanji’s first idea had been, of course, to enjoy a night out with their best buddies, and getting them really fucking drunk to _take notes for science, of course._ Hanji certainly _hadn’t_ brought them here to enjoy their hilarious antics and wobbly aimlessness once the booze kicked in, no way would they exploit their companions like that.

“Who knew alcohol was used as a former birth control elixir? So… magical,” Eren whispered, holding his cheeks in amazement as he sunk further against Levi.

“Ok, that’s enough,” the older male warned gently. He wrapped an arm around Eren’s waist while shoving his glass out of reach. “I think you paralyzed all the sperms or at least got them so drunk they’ll never find their way home.”

At that Eren’s blurred smile began to waver into a pout dramatically. “All the poor babies…” The boy began sniveling sadly all of a sudden.

“I still can’t believe you got yourself into such trouble again,” Erwin grumbled from beside Levi, eyes droopy and set into the distance with grave depth. He was so far gone already, and Levi assumed he was having a drunken low; alcohol was no good for him. “I need a drink,” Erwin drawled sternly, like he had for the past 20 minutes.

He was acting poised despite how drunk he was, or maybe it was a side effect from drinking that he thought he had to put his authority on display.

“You have one, Commander Shit-brows.” Levi observed the blond out of the corners of his eyes, worried over Erwin’s odd, unfamiliar state.

If the man lost it completely, Levi still wasn’t sure how he’d restrain him without killing him.

“This is a bad joke… You know we can’t allow more babies,” Erwin grumbled absently.

He was probably reliving the horrors from today that he had gone through with Eric and Emilia.

“Ok, we get it, Erwin. Can it, and drink up.” Levi found Erwin’s behavior slightly concerning, but at least he couldn’t talk if a glass was stuck to his lips, so Levi urged him on.

“Levi, it’s not fun if you don’t join us,” Hanji whined, leaning over the bar counter. “I’m playing bar tender especially for you.”

“I’m right here, Hange. I just can’t get drunk, my physique won’t allow it.” Levi’s brows creased deeply, distracted somewhat when Eren began rubbing his face all over his like a cat in heat.

“Dammit.” Hanji slammed their fists down on the counter angrily, though it was mostly the alcohol in their system that caused such frustration.

“It’s a bad joke,” Erwin began laughing disjointedly, still trying to suppress it and remain the example of a proper Commander. But when he saw the ever earnest look Levi was giving him, something broke loose in the blond, and he wanted nothing more than to see Levi abandon that stoic shell, just for a bit. Then Erwin would definitely have a good time.

“Levi, tell a joke, a joke,” he slurred on repeat as he hunched over to loop his free arm around Levi. And he was drunk enough to beg if necessary. At least he thought so as he clutched his drink in his other hand for reassurance, so he could drink on some more confidence. “A joke, please.” Erwin shook Levi.

The Captain only rolled his eyes, ready to reject when suddenly he stopped himself. Levi slowly and eerily turned his head to look over at Erwin with a death glare.

“You,” he growled in a deep, dramatic voice, eyes widened seriously.

Hanji chuckled roughly. “Not those! The shit jokes!” they cheered impatiently.

“Your face…” Levi deadpanned, lowering a brow in disinterest. “That _is_ a shit joke, ya shit face.”

“Levi, no!” Erwin commanded in utter disappointment.

“Levi, yes.” Levi muttered tonelessly. Eren was already giggling and hanging off him again, not even registering what was going on.

“Another one!” the Commander demanded desperately.

“Your cock! Worst joke ever. Now leave me alone.” Levi snapped simply.

He shoved at Erwin in annoyance when the blond wobbled closer, getting heavy. That wouldn’t have been a problem had Erwin’s breath not smelled of alcohol. And the guy was relentless when it came to that joke he demanded.

Levi took a deep breath, finally giving in. “Alright…

Commander Erwin goes to the underground to pursue three legendary thugs for his shitty army.”

Levi flipped his finger at Erwin lazily, the blond gasping in shock. “What does he do?” he inquired in pure fascination.

“This one’s gonna be good!” Hanji jumped up and down excitedly.

“He forces the thugs to speak. So the first one he catches says: ‘If I had your wings of freedom, I’d fly to you, dear. But since I don’t, I’ll fuck you right here.’

Erwin replies: ‘I can jack it better with my nonexistent right arm, now beg for mercy, and I’ll do you no harm.’

The second thug repeats: ‘If I had your wings of freedom, I’d fly to you dear. But since I don’t I’ll fuck you right here.’

Erwin says: ‘I’d rather fuck anybody else than you, in fact even a titan would do.’

He looks at the third thug before he can speak up. ‘And you, you must be their leader, I’d say. Are you even hornier than they?’

Third thug answers: ‘Since the titans chewed off your dick obviously, don’t worry, because _Eren_ fucks me.’”

“Levi!!” Eren burst into a fit of uncontrolled giggles, tearing at the man’s shirt. “That’s improper.”

Hanji sunk behind the counter. They hissed out breath to try and not scream out loud. And Erwin had probably fainted, at least Levi wasn’t sure what the blond was doing, head face down in his arms as he shook. Probably a seizure of old age.

“It’s a poem. It’s supposed to have an unexpected twist.” Levi gave a blank shrug. “And the oral of the story is… Wait… It was moral, wasn’t it? Yeah, it was. The moral is, don’t trust Erwin or Hanji with alcohol.”

“Another one,”

**Author's Note:**

> Levi: Yeah, it’s not the best, but it’s _just_ a shitty side chapter, brats.
>
>> ####  [My tumblr: Feel free to stop by!](https://corporaljaegerssweetass.tumblr.com/)


End file.
